It's been a while, but now I'm finally back and posting! Thank you for being patient with me these past couple months as I took a break from this blog!
Holy wow, it's been a while!
Honestly, I didn't realize how long it had been since I wrote a blog post until I started writing this one. That being said, there's a lot to catch up on with what Savvy has to Say. So, I wanted to take this post to talk about these past couple months, their challenges, and what I've learned.
General Updates
So much has happened since I last blogged!
I graduated high school and committed to college! (which is absolutely insane, I still feel like a child)
I competed in Colorado's Poetry Out Loud competition and got 3rd in the state, as well as won The Critic's Choice Aware through Colorado's State Thespian Convention competition
I performed in my final musical performance, final class showcase, as well as my senior showcase
My family and I were able to travel (yayyy I've missed going other places!!)
I was able to go to prom, which is amazing because last year we weren't able to do any school functions
I've been trying to practice intentionality with the relationships in my life, especially as I leave for college
There have been so many blessings this year that I never expected, especially with everything being shut down or limited last year. Here's where the brutal honesty kicks in: not everything has been sunshine and rainbows. I think it's important to share both the triumphs and struggles, so here are some things that have been more difficult this past year.
Social Change
The amount of change and instability that has occurred has been astronomical. While I am thankful for change, it's also the hardest thing to deal with. It's especially hard when there's a global pandemic on top of everything else.
I truly believe that the pandemic brought out a lot of true colors. As a whole, I think it became clear that our society is still broken and prejudiced and hurting. In my own life, a lot of people changed, and not always for the better.
Something important that you should know about me is that I'm very people-oriented. This is why people changing weighed so heavily on my mind and heart: I'm constantly thinking about what other people are doing, saying, or thinking. That means that I was watching people change and become someone that they didn't used to be. It hurt my heart as I watched people change in ways that weren't good because I knew who they once were; on the flip side, it was wonderful to celebrate people's growth.
I must confess that I was preoccupied with the negative change because it filled me with sadness and hurt, especially since they're change made me want to spend less and less time with them. I was losing friends. Naturally, growing apart is painful, but the fact that it was senior year and we would be ending on a rocky note made things worse.
However, this forced me to discover which relationships were genuine and worth pursuing. Through isolation and growing pains, I found people who wanted to do life with me. I didn't have to become someone I wasn't to make friends, I could be myself and be loved. This was such an important lesson that 2021 has been teaching me: not all change is bad, and the bad change can highlight the good in life.
Mental Health
This has been a huge battle this year for most of the world, but I want to take a moment and talk about my personal experience.
Looking back, one of my ways of coping with all the change and instability was distracting myself. Essentially, I would busy myself and fill my schedule so I didn't have to think about how the world was impacting me, because deep down I knew I was struggling. I'm not a procrastinator in school, but this year I became an emotional procrastinator. It was easier to worry about other people and things than myself—I wasn't taking care of myself or my well-being. In the moment, I thought I was doing well because I was busy and still achieving in the midst of instability, but I didn't look at the internal cost.
In fact, I didn't even realize what kind of condition I was in until someone pointed it out. That someone was my Dad. He had been asking me when my next blog post was going to be and I told him why I felt unable to write, to which he replied "Savannah, you need to take care of yourself. You're in a dark place."
He was right. I had told him that not only could I not find any inspiration, but I felt a lot of guilt and hypocrisy in attempting to write a positive blog when I wasn't feeling positive. I didn't want to put on a false front for you all because one of the main purposes of this blog is authenticity. With that in mind, I was not going to sacrifice authenticity for positivity, or the other way around. So I stayed authentically quiet, and part of me regrets that because my quietness meant I wasn't being encouraging. This internal battle was riddled with guilt for remaining quiet when I was not feeling positive, which trapped me in a cycle of negativity.
Honestly, writing this post is a big step for me right now. I still have off days where it feels like the whole world is falling apart. But, then again, don't we all? That's why I decided to shed some light onto my mental health these past couple months, as I know other people have felt the same way I did. We're not alone in what we're going through!
Some Takeaways
This isn't my most cohesive blog post, but I found it necessary to be as transparent with you as possible about why I've been gone for a time. Even still, here's a summed up version of the ramblings you just read:
It's okay to take a break, if that's what you need.
Other people will change, but you shouldn’t change yourself for other people.
Do not be an emotional procrastinator.
You are not alone.
Thank you for sticking with me through these times of growth and struggle. I'm very excited to be writing again. SavvySays is back in business!
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